catalog of irreplaceable losses
my husband and I discuss
what we’d wish to take from our home
if we had time:
our children
our dog
our bird
wallets, coats, hats, gloves, shoes
(practical for immediate survival)
the mini photo albums we’ve made each year
since our children were born
our boxes of letters
the framed photos in our hallway
(some exist nowhere else)
my journals
our Christmas stockings
(all handmade)
the quilts Amma stitched for the boys
the original artwork we own
Grammy’s viola
Owen’s bass clarinet
the box of heirloom family baby clothes
these are the things for which there’d be no substitute
it seems to us
(our photos were scanned years ago –
the cloud cuts our losses so much these days)
but the truth is
we’ve been through three fires between us
and barely saved a thing
when he was in high school,
in the Black Tiger Fire in 1989,
Alex fled his Betasso home with a neighbor –
doesn’t recall taking anything at all
I was home alone for the other two:
a chimney fire in Nederland
around 1997
and our Louisville home was struck by lightning
around 2003
and a bit of the attic burned
all three were before cell phones
(for us)
and both times I called 911
then ran out of the house
in Louisville I put the dogs in the cottage
then changed my mind,
and brought them to the car
both times I stood out front
waited for sirens
then decided to run back in for my coat
(and hat and gloves and scarf in Ned)
stood out front again
then thought about my purse
ran back in and grabbed that, too
then met the firefighters
in Ned I was embarrassed when they asked
if I’d closed the vent
and I had to say no,
chagrined I hadn’t even thought to starve the flames
but that’s all the getting I ever did –
not even the box of important documents –
and I feel no shame in that;
there simply was no time
so why make this list now
when there’s so little chance we’d ever
have the luxury of checking it?
it’s a way to acknowledge
to our friends and ancestors
what they’ve entrusted us with
that we feel most responsible for –
what we’d be most gutted to lose
