poetry

the fog lifts

the fog lifts

after all these long grey lean years
the fog lifts
leaving a bluer sky
than I’ve ever known
and a rosy warmth
(the joy of being enough)
where all I expected
was the close damp chill
and confusion of mist
where you can’t see
your hand in front of your face
where you listen to faint echoes
to triangulate where you are
now there’s finally enough light
to read the map myself
step out with confidence
that the ground will hold
and I’ll see my way home
to all those loving hearts
that waited patient
while I felt my way
from one dead end to the next
in a maze not of my making
where a compass wouldn’t work

poetry

four faces

Owen took this photo of Spidey the other day.

four faces

locked in an argument
about essentials:
safety and love –
our boys aren’t speaking
(to each other –
they are ranting to us)
then Owen unexpectedly crosses
no-man’s land
calmly says
there’s something Cedar should see
we all look up
(some more skeptically than others)
Spidey has a family
he announces
and we all spill out of the house
gaze up into the rafters
where a line of four sweet chipmunks
placidly gaze back at us
smiles wide between their cheeks
absolve us all
without lifting a paw
let us move on
to the hugging
part of the day

poetry

geometer

geometer

some days I’m like that inchworm
reaching
reaching
catching only air
swaying
then doubling over
in a submissive swan dive
forward fold
forehead to knees
palms right back
along those planted feet
I disappear into twig
taking stock of this
bright swirling world
slowly gauging how I measure up
like those geodetic explorers
dragging their chains behind them
trying to find
their place on the sphere

poetry

big bear comin’

our resident bear decoy

big bear comin’

Hi, big bear, not afraid of people
headed towards your house*

we look at each other and nod
time to take precautions
to hide those honey bears
at the backs of shelves
secure the latches
on the hot tub
hook the zip line seat
in place
set the parking brake
and put the cars in gear
give the children
whistles in bed
close the piano keyboard
put the fuzzy slippers
close to the crack
under the door
(to pretend this house
already has its bear)
and pray it’s not your time
then wait
one ear to the ground
one finger testing the wind

*We got this text at dinner tonight. Considerate, alarming, befuddling. What should one do when a bear is on the way? We actually did: bring the dogs in, close and latch the main level windows and doors, abandon our plans to go across the creek to set up the wildlife camera tonight, cover the grill, and hang the hummingbird feeder higher. What else should we have done? What else would you add to the poem’s whimsical to-do list? We may need your suggestions for tomorrow!

poetry

roses in rain

roses in rain

the smell of wild roses makes me weep
she said
conjuring the overwhelmingly poignant joy
that’s bound to put you over the edge
feet sunk into velvety dune sand
while waves build and collapse
for thousands of miles before you
soon as you slip one behind an ear
the petals fall
but the scent stays
sometimes I put a petal on my tongue
like a communion wafer
eager to embody sweetness somehow
today after the thunderstorm
they’re windblown and blowsy
petals plastered to leaves
spangled with tiny crystal balls
so heartbreakingly beautiful
I forget about trying to read the future
just tuck one behind my ear
breathe in joy all day

poetry

waiting for kingbirds

waiting for kingbirds

for near an hour
we shuttle between
cottonwood and wire fence
following sharp-winged shapes
with lemon-yellow chests
trying to learn
just who they are

I would not trade
these sixty minutes
of easy afternoon with you
for any kingdom at all
that’s just who we are

poetry

revolutions

revolutions

the ceiling fan
spins
an endless
left-handed twirl
and I could sleep
for days
except
when my lids lower
my mind spirals
along
at the intersection of
what if
and
which faults were
mine?

spent days pile up
like layers of shale:
unreadable

poetry

turning the knob, finding it locked

turning the knob, finding it locked

the tension, resistance surprises
jiggle the handle
no release
you’re not welcome
on the warm side of the door

poetry

into the earth

into the earth

today I bury
Mary & Will’s son
Patrick’s brother
my father

back to the earth
I give
the man who called me Hon
whose chest rumbled
‘Twas the Night Before Christmas
in my ear every year

I bury snores that shook the house
and the click of the La-Z-Boy footrest
snapping into place

into the open ground
I put the smell of Scotch
and the crack of ice
the scent of Marlboros
and aftershave

I bury our single game of backgammon
and our many King’s Quests

here in the loam
I place Sundays
of Canadian bacon and eggs
glass Pepsi bottles
and the crossword

I bury a rough cheek
and a black fur fedora
with a jaunty red feather
old galoshes and new Buicks

under the turf
among the roots
I lower
our disappointment
yours and mine
at being who we are

today my heart heaps
soothing Walnut Creek clay
to bury the weight of trying
to ask the right questions

now I put the memory
of holding your hand
trying to undo loneliness
deep into the soil

today I bury
Ma’s grandson
Bill
my only Dad

poetry

trimming

trimming

my father
tall and lanky
briefly looking the Irishman
he was (but never mentioned):
white forearms
with dark, feathery hairs
languid fingers built for piano
an army flattop
and a shiny class ring
poised
over a friend who’s praying
Bill will clip his thicket of hair
faster than a parent can drive

my dad’s short-sleeved Henley’s
just like the one
I stole from my mother’s drawer
to bridge the gap
between the ‘60’s and me.

he’s focused and bemused
but there’s something off-putting
in those intense Goyaesque hands
that I noted on the hospital bed
and his cheekbones honed by hunger

today a man I never met
gifted me a revelation:
our parents had lives
we know nothing about
plus there’s still an awkward teenager
in every one of us