poetry

Bill’s Lorica

While my dad was dying I felt I needed the strength of a lorica to protect me emotionally. I intended to write it before I went to see him in the hospital in Minnesota, but somehow I didn’t get to it. On the flight home, I started to write a lorica, but it ended up being for him, not me. I wrote one draft and started copying out a second, and then we were on the ground. I put it aside and rediscovered it today. St. Patrick used his lorica to transform into a deer to avoid attack.

Bill’s Lorica

in the sparkling northwoods blue-green
today we gather
warmth of the longtime sun
to make a blanket for your bones
thick purple-brown twining grape vines
to knit a secret room of shade
a closed space without fear
to lie a long body down
to let go the burden of being upright

here in the crushed green
of fiddlehead and jewelweed
trilliums silently go crimson
binding our carmine blood
and this bit of wood

in the still pulpit, jack sits,
a silent preacher with nothing left to judge
only to witness you rest
accepting hard scars that will turn to moss
your angular bones to be rounded with time

we bring the pull of purple magnetite
the charged ions/counterbalance
positive/negative canceled/reconciled

we gather the echo in the steep shale walls
leaves written with pressure in time’s patient book
shut now

we call on the grosbeak’s brilliant rose-petal stained breast
his love sung not said

we call upon the restless waves
smoothing the past
readying the sunset canvas
curving to calm in a still quiet bay

and up here in the buoyant cumulus fields
today we weave all these ragged fragments together
a last quilt of protection
you pull to your chin

then you split down the middle
and turn to deer
as the jester’s gavel drops
on the hours of needing
to be more

poetry

cowgirl

cowgirl

I’d no idea
my heart would leap
like a buckin’ bronc
when he lassoed my wanderin’ mind
with a sweet appellation
I’d no earthly right
to hear said:
cowgirl.
He pronounced it and we both lit up
like blazing cookfires.
Bootless
spurless
horseless
hatless
dogie-less –
but we did have a rope,
and owin’ to his unwaverin’ confidence
I gave it a mighty hurl,
clear to Wyomin,’
so’s the creek bed air
was split in two
and that water laughed
every one of our names.

poetry

luxury allowance

luxury allowance

poring over the hotel listings
the way I measured all the Teva straps
years ago:
which will be the most bang
for the buck?
now I’m bound to arrive
sleep-deprived
I’ll fall into dream
barely knowing where I’ve been
and you know all this
and hug me tight anyway –
the best deal I ever landed

poetry

darning

darning

suffering: from sub = up, under
plus ferre = to carry, bear,
from bher = to carry, to bear children

This page now holds a weight
I carried long enough –
far longer than
my own sons.
I’m leaving it here.

I’m learning a new lexicon:
ataraxia: (profound tranquility, untroubledness)
from a = not
plus tarassein = to disturb, confuse

katastematic pleasure: (that which accompanies well-being)
from kathistemi = to stand still

I’m standing in a still circle of one
reading about valences
and the anterior cingulate cortex
and affective pain
thinking about dukkha and moksha
and Cassell’s intactness of the person.

I am quietly pulling pieces together
sewing holes closed.

poetry

to the trout in the koi pond

to the trout in the koi pond

your rosy-brown length
flows around the lilies
hunting with purpose
so unlike
the lackadaisical golden fish
used to fluttering their ruffles
in this calm pond
(now taking cover
under flat pancake leaves)

my heart jumps
to see you stirring things up
reclaiming this corralled spring
for the unwelcome wild

but the mystery deeper than your origin
is why they want you caught;
why they choose dolled-up koi
over your elegant authentic self

poetry

after the soak

after the soak

tracers of steam
zip from your skin
wend their way
to stars and moon
for a moment
I can see
your warm-blooded aura
coils and curlicues
of vapor stream from you
as you stride by
part man
part tender electron cloud

poetry

wndr poet

wndr poet

I am the poet at the door
I take your word
and add an L
I lie on my belly
sensing all the stifled heartbeats
and stealthy tiptoes
most don’t detect
in the cage of my chest
like elephant language
in a register
too low for normal
while you wander and wonder
I’m glued to my seat
making sights into symbols
wounds into sounds
tapping a button
that slaps a thin metal key
against an inky ribbon
then falls onto a leaf of paper
winnowing your life
to find the dense rich
nutty grains

Tonight I read about the wndr museum in Chicago. When you walk in, you give a single word to one of their resident poets, who then writes you a poem to pick up as you exit.

poetry

the fog lifts

the fog lifts

after all these long grey lean years
the fog lifts
leaving a bluer sky
than I’ve ever known
and a rosy warmth
(the joy of being enough)
where all I expected
was the close damp chill
and confusion of mist
where you can’t see
your hand in front of your face
where you listen to faint echoes
to triangulate where you are
now there’s finally enough light
to read the map myself
step out with confidence
that the ground will hold
and I’ll see my way home
to all those loving hearts
that waited patient
while I felt my way
from one dead end to the next
in a maze not of my making
where a compass wouldn’t work

poetry

four faces

Owen took this photo of Spidey the other day.

four faces

locked in an argument
about essentials:
safety and love –
our boys aren’t speaking
(to each other –
they are ranting to us)
then Owen unexpectedly crosses
no-man’s land
calmly says
there’s something Cedar should see
we all look up
(some more skeptically than others)
Spidey has a family
he announces
and we all spill out of the house
gaze up into the rafters
where a line of four sweet chipmunks
placidly gaze back at us
smiles wide between their cheeks
absolve us all
without lifting a paw
let us move on
to the hugging
part of the day

poetry

geometer

geometer

some days I’m like that inchworm
reaching
reaching
catching only air
swaying
then doubling over
in a submissive swan dive
forward fold
forehead to knees
palms right back
along those planted feet
I disappear into twig
taking stock of this
bright swirling world
slowly gauging how I measure up
like those geodetic explorers
dragging their chains behind them
trying to find
their place on the sphere