poetry

Remedy: AcuDetox Meets “Self-Compassion” by James Crews

Remedy: AcuDetox Meets “Self-Compassion” by James Crews

hands push hands, push
stuck energy out

clearing the system
the way dogs shake:

discharging arousal
preventing overwhelm

needles probe
meridians

curved cartilage may link
memory to muscle to panic

arranging the sharps just so
may too conduct chaos away

put your hand on your heart and say
oh honey

put your hand on another’s and
push for your lives

lay still
while some kind soul

sticks pins in your pinnae
to clear the memories –

we’ll try anything to move
our resting state to restful

poetry

the schools keep finding a way

the schools keep finding a way

when we said you can’t gather
they figured out how to get together
how to support our children
one living room to the next

when the towns were burning down
the schools sealed their ducts
so smoke stayed outside
and the buildings were saved

when flames chased toward the hospital
the schools called up their bus drivers
home on vacation, they drove toward danger
and rushed patients to safety

when whole neighborhoods burned
the schools reassured them –
you belong here with us
wherever you land

now they’re busing children
from the county’s four corners
so kids can have one bit of same
in this immense uncertainty

when the students had nothing
no backpacks no Chromebooks
no boots or winter coats
the schools greeted them
with a handful of everything

they set up free thrift shops
in the school parking lot
when we worried about the playground
they carted off the wood chips
when we worried about smoke
they tested the air

already feeding everyone
lunches for free
they added food pickup
for those whose pantries were gone

when I read that one-sixth
of Coal Creek Elementary families’ homes burned
(60 of 380 students’ homes are gone)
I began to understand

the immensity of the undertaking
to try to stabilize what has been deeply traumatized
to hold together a bit of the fabric
that once knit these families to each other

we ask so much of our schools:
our teachers, administrators,
support staff, custodians, paras, and kitchen staff,
school nurses, and counselors,
social workers, and bus drivers,
special ed teachers, psychologists,
registrars, front office staff,
and occupational therapists –
any title you think of at our schools –

we’re asking more of them now
than ever before
knowing that some of them
are also navigating their own loss

41 of them dealing
with their own new unhoused lives
while trying to stay hopeful
for the children they nurture

poetry

Annie’s Story

A frame from video of the Marshall Fire evacuation taken by David Zalubowski with the Associated Press. https://www.nytimes.com/live/2021/12/30/us/colorado-fires

Annie’s Story

when her 8-year-old son kept saying
I don’t want to die today
she calmly explained
that wouldn’t happen
they were safe
the fire was a long way away
they would leave if it ever got close

a few hours later
trapped in gridlock
with the smoke plumes getting darker
her family split between
different cars and departure times and friends
she’s nearly overcome by the unbearableness of
stasis in the midst of terror
jammed in this long line of sitting ducks
straddling gas tanks

so she asks the traffic control lady
if she’s still going the best way,
and the lady shakes her head and says,
there are a lot of people getting hurt up there
(which later proved to be false,
but then she’d no way to know)

afraid to learn exactly how close the flames are now
she wills herself not to check the messages on her phone
instead she calls her National Guard brother
pleading for him to find her an exit
thinking to herself
I don’t want to die today

but even with his emergency ops experience
and all the info he is calm enough to marshal
all her brother can tell her is stay where she is –
north is the only way

now she says, everyone miraculously safe,
things aren’t the same

sometimes it’s like my nervous system is outside my body
she says
like there is no buffer between the world and me

I will never leave my husband’s side in an emergency again
she says
I wanted us to be together if something happened

I will never wait for an evacuation order again
she says
by the time they order you it’s too late
the roads are packed solid

I’m glad I took my rings
but I didn’t really need my wedding photos –
more of those exist

my main regret is I didn’t grab my grandmother’s box
it goes between my mom and uncles
so they have turns with her memories

my mom had loaned it to me
and I would have let them down
if I’d let it burn

one of the hardest moments was
picking up my daughter from her friend’s.
she asked me if our home was gone
and all I could say was
I don’t know

It wasn’t

I’m one of the lucky ones
and I’m still crying every day

poetry

salve

salve

my body
holds onto
pain

learns a
pattern
remembers

years after
injury
the same muscles
ache
same acid
galls

o my flesh
if only
I could let go
of little
traumas
pour light into
wounds
and heal