decisions
four fires
in one day
in our county
today
I tell my son
of the first smoke plume I saw
years after moving here
none more seen for years
now there’s something new
in the weather forecast –
fire watch:
like tornados, but longer
more hot windy nervous weather
on the horizon
how many go bags
should we pack?
how far away is far enough?
how close is still safe?
The View from Bear Peak
we climb Bear Peak
and take in the beige haze
the magenta slurry line
the brown and black trees
of the NCAR Fire’s modest burn
and the forest-green line
where the grass fire is regrowing
we see a plume of smoke
out toward Lagerman perhaps
and look toward Lyons
to be sure that fire’s out
our puppy swims
in the Cragmoor stock pond
already green in April
and later that afternoon
when he vomits three times
we worry about blue green algae,
which kills dogs within hours
no one we’ve known
has lived this way
not knowing what to expect
from the earth or the sky
this wariness toward the land
and the toxins all around
disorienting, exhausting, disheartening
disconnection mounts
and fear moves in
so much that once was a balm
becomes another source of dis-ease
nest
today I’m wrapping all the things
I think people should do
in soft crushed velvet
putting those thoughts to bed
where they can rest quiet
and they don’t require
the least little thing
no energy at all
today I’m embracing all the things
people will do
all the thoughtful little miracles like
saving the comics
cutting up fruit
writing a card
making a drawing
rolling away stones
accepting ham
I don’t need to award any ribbons
I’ve no calling to judge
I’m ready for radical acceptance
okay maybe not ready but willing
to try to douse my doubts
today
Trees & Eggs
finally I give away something we don’t use
to someone who doesn’t have it:
plastic Easter eggs
I haven’t filled in years –
our sun reducing the contents to chocolate puddles
before the cousins could even assemble
no, all we do now is hide the hard-boileds
today we tint the thin white shells
in spring shades
ready to disappear them into the waking-up grass
we save the chocolate for the basket
safe in the shaded confines of our roofed house
high on a table safe from dogs’ jaws
today I start reading Nine Ways to Charm a Dryad
at the cabin and am overcome –
it’s been so long since I lived in forest –
(36 years) –
so long I hadn’t guessed we’d reunite
all I can say’s
thank you God for all these blessings
all I can do is
bless myself with spring water
shake the grandfather tree’s branch
open my heart
and let the forest take up residence
in that long-vacant cavity
One Friday
a whole day gone and the best things I’ve done
are give away plastic eggs and Christmas coffee
listen to The Mighty Dnieper and Willie Clancy
wash dishes and reheat lasagna
walk my mom’s and sister’s dogs
and snuggle with my family while A Monster Calls
it’s enough
In Praise of Stiff Wind
walking around the reservoir
blasted by invigorating wind
all we can do is laugh
at the immense blessing
of being given to one another;
of knowing someone else
who sings this song
missed beat
we have been so restrained
so quiet and solitary
conscientious and clean
that walking into the high school
with open faces feels like a dare
like living wild
and when the band begins bouncing to the beat
striking their drums and marimbas
with the pent-up energy we’ve all kept tamped down
and – even crazier – we all start emptying our lungs
with long loud indoor cheers
for everything –
the proficient kids
our survival
the back-tingling joy of having hope for a moment
the crash of noise we can finally sink our fear inside
we sense we’ve arrived
at a new kind of fearlessness
for all these reasons
we salute you, Warriors –
you’ve put a beat
back in our chests
unbreaking the eggs
so many broken eggs these days
albumin streaming out
leaving yolk to float unsheathed
inside we don’t find paradise
no pastoral landscape humming along
no, it’s despair, powerlessness, resignation
I don’t know how to uncrook the hockey stick
how to bring George Floyd back to breath
how to put the virus back in the bat
how to unspark the fire that swallowed the homes
but it’s like the starfish
shard by shard of fragile shell
I place in my palm
doing something
I trust
to help
Remedy: AcuDetox Meets “Self-Compassion” by James Crews
hands push hands, push
stuck energy out
clearing the system
the way dogs shake:
discharging arousal
preventing overwhelm
needles probe
meridians
curved cartilage may link
memory to muscle to panic
arranging the sharps just so
may too conduct chaos away
put your hand on your heart and say
oh honey
put your hand on another’s and
push for your lives
lay still
while some kind soul
sticks pins in your pinnae
to clear the memories –
we’ll try anything to move
our resting state to restful
Red Flags
red flag warning living –
I take the beef out
then put it back
afraid to light the grill,
afraid I’ll become the Old Lady Leary of Louisville
no kicking cow needed
at the flag football game
I look behind me now and then
into the wind
scanning for smoke
planning for egress
today felt like a Wyoming day
all edge and gust
no serenity
nor calm
so much static
no rain near
