friendship, camping
someone who wants to be with me
just for who I am
not because we share blood
not due to desire
not because I’m useful
just because we like each other
rarest of souls
just for you I’m weaving
a crown of gentian blossom
and rabbit fur
golden butterfly wing
and lime green moss –
all that I have to offer
besides a handful of M&Ms
and my authentic grateful heart
so at home with you
Pepper
he always seems to be smiling
large brown eyes curious and calm
beak mostly quiet
as if he has one eyebrow arched
wondering what off-base thing
we might do next
even when he was way up in the aviary
high enough to believe he was the boss
he willingly came to us
amazing
Would you like to be part of our family?
I ask
not sure what yes looks like
a few weeks ago he flew down out of the sky
to another family who couldn’t take him
as if asking for
some warm humans
to love him and keep him safe
I hope that’s us
that we’re worth falling from heaven for
August First
August sneaks up
just when you feel you’re
safely in the thick of summer
lazing through July
but school and structure
are only a breath away
the days are getting shorter
I feel it tonight
but with the dark
comes candlelight’s glow
and the warmth of the cheery lanterns
strung overhead
these are the days when
I would take my new school shoes
out of their cardboard box
admire them and smell the stiff leather
then close them back in the closet
prepared to suck whatever juice summer had left
from that popsicle quickly losing its color and tang
going ice-grey
Thanksgiving: Animals
A Little Noticing
In our little yard today I spied
a red-mustached flicker
hammering away at the powerline pole
and the hole
a male house sparrow with only
half a beard
(out-of-breeding-season plumage)
two wildly different grasshoppers and
a velvet-black jumping spider
in and out of the bed.
Who knows how many other souls
I failed to find
and
what they meant to say,
blessed hearts beating
a wall away from mine
living our own loops
hiding deep in our snug holes.
never enough time
seconds flash by like
bullet trains
possibilities closed off
for what feels like forever
choosing choosing choosing
living with a lump in my throat
and an eye on the sweep
of the second hand
barely time to gather the beloveds
in a hug
and all this in a time
when our past life has slowed
to the mere vibration of
a solid
its crystal lattice holding space
for us to do something
meaningful
deliberate
intentional
with time now
and still it’s not enough
at least I haven’t made it be enough
to be able to rest
doubt
typing up the manuscript
one moment it’s
wow!
next minute I hear internal paper crumpling
along with my confidence
is it any good?
does it have any teeth
any heart
any tears?
(I’m decidedly uninterested in brains)
sometimes I feel like
I’m removing my insides
polishing them up
artfully plating them for consumption
then nervously waiting for them
to be sent back to the kitchen
other times I feel
I’m just spinning candy floss
making a big sweet pastel globe
of fluffy nothingness
good on the tongue
but nothing to bite into
nothing to stick to your bones
and keep you going
when you’re out chopping wood
I don’t know
what the world wants
from what I can do
all I can do is trust
keep learning and growing wiser
keep giving what I manage to make
and take pleasure watching
my work leave my hands
not worrying so much
about where it comes to rest
morning eggs
you never know
how the world may delight you next
today it’s the two
still-warm eggs
plucked from the coop
while still fired
with the heat
of being inside
nestled against a beating heart
now outside
for all to appreciate
their smooth mysterious perfection
(each utterly different)
biased confession
the Implicit Association Test
objectively states
Your responses suggested a strong automatic association for Asians with animals and whites with humans.
horror shame embarrassment disappointment blame
(the lousy line drawings
my nodding-off self)
there is no kind way
to write these wretched words
no phrase to adequately apologize
to my friends who are Asian
for the othering my mind
unconsciously mindlessly may do
the damage I unwittingly inflict daily
including inside this very line in my confession
no way to obtain absolution
no penance that will offset the harm
my unwanted bias wreaks
on all the beloved human animals
I breathe with today
absence limits
while on the Zoom
I see him through the window
pouting
elbows right angles
palms pushing the sky
after the laptop snaps shut
he bursts in
bellowing his high-pitched objections
until I wrap my arm around him
ruffle his hair
remind him how much he means
ask how I can help
and
what does he need?
then he relents
admits he needs nothing
I just was absent too long
that toddler abides
who insistently demanded
Mommy…
anytime I pressed the rectangle of phone
to my curlicue of ear
while he tried to drown out the sounds
of any other needs
to reserve some space
for whatever might bubble up
between his shoulder blades
oh he needs something alright
just like me
at the lake
people bake
in this scene out of Kansas
or Nebraska
ski counterclockwise
the sign reminds
so the boats corkscrew around
this finite refreshment
it’s Saturday
and one after another
the pickups back to ramp
deposit the underclad bodies
perched on beached boats
set them floating toward Sunday
loud music and beer buoying them along
while an uncertain dog
paces the deck
and a gaping fish head
rots on the shore
